Atlanta SantaCon

That's right kids, it's that time again. SantaCon is coming!!! I've seen the pics from the last few years and have to say, Yall do it right!!!! Just to remind everyone, I have listed the rules for SantaCon again. There is no Santa in charge to call. If you can't show up for the start, get the phone number of someone who can help you catch up later.

1. AGAIN! Santa does not make children cry. Really - If you see kids, give them nice toys, candy, or something pleasant. Parents and Tourists are a different matter altogether -- adjust based on their attitude.

2. Santa dresses for all occasions. It's December. Smart Santas wear mutliple costume layers. Dress to maximize merriment whether singing christmas carols in the snow, or swinging from a stripper pole.
3. Santa doesn't whine! We will be outside alot and commuting mainly on foot -- bring enough "snacks" to keep your pie-hole filled until we get indoors.
4. Bring gifts -- NAUGHTY gifts to give grown ups; NICE stuff to give kids. Throwing coal at people is discouraged no matter who they are. YES THAT INCLUDES POLITICIANS
5. Watching Santa get drunk and obnoxious is fun. Babysitting Santa while they vomit in an alley is not. Don't be that Santa.
6. Pay for your Beer and tip the bar staff, we want to be able to this again. Bribery gets you everywhere! Also pay for your beer or drink as soon as you get it. Other Santas get tired of waiting on Santas to clear their tab before being able to move on.
7. No Santas left behind. Don't go leaving one or two Santas in the process. Santa dont like that. Pick a few people you know and keep an eye out for them when it's time to move to the next location. If you don't see them, speak up so everyone waits. Every Santa should have at least 2-3 other Santas they look out for and that look out for them. We don't want to leave someone in the shitter and have them wandering around looking for us. Santa is safer in numbers. What one Santa couldnt get away with without getting questioned, 50 can. Stick together Santas!
8. Memorize these answers to important questions that may arise:
   • Who's in charge? "Santa"

   • What organization are you with? "Santa"
   • What are you protesting? "Nothing, Santa's having a party" (note: WE ARE NOT PROTESTERS!! We'd need a permit for that - and something serious to complain about...)
   • How did you get here? "A sleigh and eight tiny reindeer"
   • Where are you going next? "I'm only allowed to tell you if you wear this hat and buy me a beer."
9. Dress the hell up! You don't have to dress as Santa proper. That's BORING! Variations of Santa-ness are deeply appreciated, both by those we bring joy to - as well as the other Santarchists! Variants of elves or reindeer or what-have-you are fine as well!
10. "No blows below the belt. Keep it clean."
11. Please realize that this indeed is an event to have a hell of a lot of fun, and of course, with the assistance of liquor. It's not, however, an event to get shit-faced to the point that Santas end up insulting, fighting, degrading, or being assholes to people that run the places that we visit - or to the regular patrons that are there. Remember, we're LUCKY that they let THIS many jackasses into their places of business - and we'd like to keep coming back. Also, there is no "bail fund" for incarcerated Santii - so you'll be on your own with that, suckahs.
12. Santas that drink should make sure that they are also Santas that can drive home, or make arrangements so that they don't need to. This is a no-brainer, but alas, I feel it needs to be said. I don't want any casualties. We need as many soldiers for "return tours", so to speak. With mass transit being what it is in Atlanta, we suggest bringing a designated driver and of course carpooling as much as possible. The more Santii in each vehicle, the fewer individuals need to remain dry.

Santa Do's and Dont's DO address every Santa as Santa, in the first, second, and third person, singular and plural.

• DO have something ready to hand out, even if it's just candy canes.

• DO many thorough soaks of your cleaning product containers before storing liquor in them. (If you haven't already done so, it may be too late to start now.) Santa's that want should bring flasks cleverly disguised as pine-sol or windex bottles.
• DO be ready for new adventure at a moment's notice. Santa is like a shark, and must keep moving in order to thrive.
• DO uphold the hallowed tradition of Never Washing the Suit.
• Let us not forget the sacred "four fucks":
  • DON'T Fuck with Kids. I'm serious; this is supposed to be fun. Holidays are unpleasant enough for kids these days. If we can't brighten it at least we can be one less worry for them. If you see kids, give them nice toys, candy, or something pleasant. Feel free to hassle their parents though. Remember: The kids of today are the weirdos of tomorrow.

  • DON'T Fuck with Security. If they ask you to leave a store, get the hell out and be nice about it, or other Santa's will take shit for it. Besides, they might call the cops and then we have to deal with the next fuck….
  • DON'T Fuck with Cops. If the cops tell you to do something, DO IT. If you want to get busted, do it when you and I aren't dressed the same.
  • DON'T Fuck with Santa and don't fuck with me or I'll puke on your suit, you damned impostor.
• DON'T quote a web address!
• DON'T point out someone!
• DON'T give out a name (except Santa!)
• DON'T supply an e-mail address!
• DON'T hand out a phone number!

I'm sure this will be updated again, so keep checking back and Santa will post more about this event as it gets closer.

Merry Fucking Christmas! And always remember Santa says, "Spread your Red!!!"

Location

Vortex in Little 5 Points

Atlanta